YBGud? - FORGIVENESS

FORGIVENESS

“Readiness to accept someone in spite of what they have said or done. There is clear expectation from the earliest years of the Christian tradition that this should be done. "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Whilst no-one is beyond God's forgiveness, this is not an invitation to trespass more and more. It is much more an indication of the opportunity to be transformed, changed by the process of being accepted and accepting.”

Illustrative Stories

A wronged relationship

Image of a couple arguing

It wasn’t meant to be like this. They had been together for seven years. They’d shared a flat together, which became a home. His music wasn’t always hers, and she know he wasn’t as keen as she on the Chagall on the wall by the door. But they’d been here and there, done a lot of this and that, and it had seemed good. Yet they’d argued. She admitted she’d had her moods and screamed from time to time, but she’d put up with his football, his falling asleep with the TV when she was wanting him in bed, and his being stubborn. Now though, just when she had thought that they were ready to start a family, he’d gone and left her. There’d been no real warning, till he began staying out and finding reasons to be away. Then she’d found those ticket stubs for that pop concert in the pocket of the jacket she had to sponge to prevent a permanent stain...and then he’d called her Susan as he snuggled into her half asleep.
She’d been totally bereft. How could he do this to her? Why should it happen to her? Hadn’t she given him so much of her whole life and self? Her friends had tried to be supportive. They said she was better off without him, and that she’d find someone else. But this was six months ago and she still felt as wretched as ever. She blamed herself: why hadn’t she seen it coming? Why hadn’t she been the person he’d wanted? She couldn’t forgive herself for being so stupid. She blamed him: why had he not said if he was unhappy? How could he have just used her for so long and then discarded her like an empty jar of marmalade?"

question: what place is there for forgiveness here?

And they said we should forgive

There was no doubt that the fire had been started deliberately. Yes the house was tinder dry from a hot summer. And the gusting wind was driving with unusual force through a half-open window in the hallway. But sparks must first be made to fly if there’s to be ignition; fires, like car engines, don’t start of their own accord. To start with it seemed it might have been some lads whose mean mischief had blown up way beyond their expectations; they’d planned for smoke, but not an inferno. But now there was evidence of petrol. First impression might suggest that no-one could have known that there was a young mother and her baby son asleep upstairs; they had only been there in the upstairs flat for a week and, though furnished, it had been empty for at least a month. But in this neighbourhood no-one moves in or out without it being noticed. Even if you placed an advert on TV, the local grapevine would do a better job. It was arson and the killing consequences must have been clear.
She was our only daughter; her older brother is still alive. Why did it happen?
Some think it was racism; yes, there are people who hate us for being black.
Others say it was her man, the father of her child, who was choked that she’d left him after yet another beating. We are scared that it might have been someone from our family who thought she was bringing disgrace on us by her friendship with this man from where she worked. We know we’ve lost her in a terrible burning. No-one should be allowed to get away with this. They should be caught and punished. Fire not forgiveness is what they deserve.

question: is forgiveness sometimes not just inappropriate, but wrong?

Extracts from influential writings

Forgiveness - with reservations

“..a truly repentant wrongdoer is recommitted to community values, requires no additional special deterrence, and clearly – on the theory of character retributivism – deserves less punishment than a wrongdoer who is unrepentant. When one could promote the goods represented by these considerations without compromising the law’s legitimate interest in crime control and grievance retribution… , it would seem irrational – even cruel – not to do so and bestow mercy.
There are degrees of mercy, of course; and the grounds that justify letting a person out of prison may not require that the community treat the freed individual exactly as he would have been treated prior to any criminal conduct. Heavy weight champion Mike Tyson served his sentence for rape and was properly released from prison. Football and movie star O J Simpson, charged with murdering his wife and her friend, was acquitted at trial and was properly released from prison. Substantial segments of the American public refuse to welcome these two men back into American society, however, because they are viewed as wrongdoers who refuse to acknowledge and repent of their wrongdoing. Although both men maintain their innocence, may people simply do not believe them and thus, while agreeing that they must be freed from jail, still refuse to accord them their previous levels of respect. One proof of this is that they are no longer employed for commercial endorsements.”

Jeffrie G Murphy ‘Repentance, Punishment, and Mercy’ in Amitai Etzioni & David E Carney Repentance A Comparative Perspective Rowman & Littlefield 1997 pp 158-9.

question: individuals can show mercy and forgive, so can society at large and its legal system, but should the criteria for being merciful be the same?

The Sheer Novelty of Forgiveness

"The discoverer of the role of forgiveness in the realm of human affairs was Jesus of Nazareth. The fact that he made this discovery in a religious context and articulated it in religious language is no reason to take it any less seriusly in a strictly secular sense…It is decisive in our context that Jesus maintains against the "scribes and pharisees" first that it is not true that only God has the power to forgive, and second that this power does not come from God..but on the contrary must be mobilized by men towards each other before they can hope to be forgiven by God also…
(T)respassing is an everyday occurrence which is in the very nature of action’s constant establishment of new relationships within a web of relations, and it needs forgiving, dismissing, in order to make it possible for life to go on by constantly releasing men from what they have done unknowingly. Only through this constant mutual release from what they do can men remain free agents, only by constant willingness to change their minds and start again can they be trusted with so great a power as that to begin something new…
Forgiving, in other words, is the only reaction which does not merely re-act but acts anew and unexpectedly, unconditioned by the act which provoked it and therefore freeing from its consequences both the one who forgives and the one who is forgiven. The freedom contained in Jesus’ teaching of forgiveness is the freedom from vengeance, which incloses both doer and sufferer in the relentless automatism of the action process, which by itself need never come to an end."

Hannah Arendt The Human Condition. A Study of the Central Dilemmas Facing Modern Man Doubleday Anchor 1959, pp 214-6.

question: how liveable would life be without forgiveness?

The uncertainty of forgiveness

"Wilt thou forgive that sin where I begun,
Which is my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt thou forgive that sin through which I run,
And do run still, though still I do deplore?
When thou hast done, though hast not done,
For I have more.

Wilt thou forgive that sin which I have won
Others to sin? And made my sin their door?
Wilt thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year or two, but wallowed in, a score?
When thou hast done, thou hast not done,
For I have more.

I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore;
Swear by thyself, that at my death thy son
Shall shine as he shines now and heretofore;
And having done that, thou hast done,
I fear no more."

John Donne A Hymn to God the Father (1633)

Image of prayer

question: what sin might Donne have in mind: greed? Indifference?

Mercy without limits?

"The quality of mercy is not strained,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesses him that gives, and him that takes.
‘Tis mightiest in the mightiest. It becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptered sway.
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute to God himself,
And earthly power doth then show likest God’s
When mercy seasions justice.

William Shakespeare Merchant of Venice Act 4 Scene 1 (1597)

question: is readiness to be forgiving a sign of good government?

Watch what you forgive

Telling lies to the young is wrong.
Proving to them that lies are true is wrong.
Telling them the God’s in his heaven
And all’s well with the world is wrong.
The young know what you mean.The young are people
Tell them the difficulties can’t be counted,
And let them see not only what will be
But see with clarity these present times.
Say obstacles exist they must encounter
Sorrow happens, hardship happens.
The hell with it. Who never knew
The price of happiness will not be happy.
Forgive no error you recognize,
It will repeat itself, increase,
And afterwards our pupils
Will not forgive in us what we forgave.

Yevtushenko Selected Poems Penguin Books 1962, p 52

question: is readiness to forgive sometimes a ‘cop-out’ from showing the critical face of loving?

Biblical References

Words for God: ‘compassionate’ and ‘forgiving’

Praise the Lord , O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord , O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases...
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbour his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; Psalm 103: 1-18

question: no continual blaming or begrudging – but banishing what’s gone wrong; is there a catch?

In spite of infidelities…

"How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? …My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man - the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. Hosea 11: 8-9

I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD. Hosea 2:19-21

question: Israel has behaved abominably, but even in her infidelity she is embraced by God; why?

A human prerogative and obligation

Forgive us our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation. Luke 11:4

question: though these words may often be repeated, is their meaning fully intended?

There are no set limits on forgiveness

Then Peter came and said to him, "Lord, how often am I to forgive my brother if he goes on wronging me? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say seven times; I say seventy times seven."

"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, "Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, "Pay what you owe.’ Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, "Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, "You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart." Matthew 8:21-35

question: isn’t this a recipe for allowing yourself to be ‘ripped off’?

No room for moral superiority

Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him and he sat down and began to teach them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, they said to him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, sir." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again." John 8: 1-11

question: is this suggesting that adultery is commonplace?

Recognise your imperfections!

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him there is no darkness at all….If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteous-ness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:5, 8-10

question: is our capacity for self-deception all that common and important?

Expositions from Theologians

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Cheap grace means grace sold on the market like cheapjack’s wares. The sacraments, the forgiveness of sin, and the consolations of religion are thrown away at cut prices….It means forgiveness of sins proclaimed as a general truth, the love of God taught as the Christian ‘conception’ of God. An intellectual assent to that idea is held to be of itself sufficient to secure remission of sins… Instead of following Christ, let the Christian enjoy the consolations of his grace! That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of sin without the justification of the repentant sinner who departs from sin and from whom sin departs. Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves.”

Cost of Discipleship (1937) SCM Press 1959, pp: 35-6.

question: Is forgiveness conditional upon unconditional repentance and being sorry?

Jim Cotter

“A moment of touch – a sacrament – ordinary in one way within the customs of public encounter, but conveying deeper meaning: it is the very instrument of release. We recognize the truth: we give each other freedom, the vulnerably open arms, trembling with new life, taking a risk that indeed we may be hurt again….Such an exchange has the quality of eternal life. It is how we realize that we are in the divine domain here and now, because that is how it is to live in God’s way, risen from our deadness, eased out of our stuckness, melted from our frozenness. Forgiveness brings release from blight and bane. The touch, the story, and the meal expand that forgiveness into reconciliation, because the playing field of power is level again.”

‘The Keys of the Kingdom’ in Andrew J Weaver & Monica Furlong (eds) Reflections on Forgiveness and Spiritual Growth Abingdon Press 2000, pp 130-2

question: ‘deadness’, ‘stuckness’, ‘frozenness’ – how helpful are these picture words in conveying the sense of guilt associated with wrongdoing?

Parallels in other cultures

Forgiveness

Islam

Just as it is important to believe in the mercy and forgiveness of Allah, it is also necessary to base human relations on forgiveness. We cannot expect Allah’s forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one’s enemies is one of the most important Islamic teaching. In the Qur’an Allah has described the Believers as "those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive." (al-Shura 42:37) Later in the same Surah Allah says, "The reward of the evil is the evil thereof, but whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon Allah" (al-Shura 42:40)… Justice, law and order are necessary for the maintenance of a social order, but there is also a need for forgiveness to heal the wounds and to restore good relations between the people.)

http://www.pakistanlink.com/religion/2000/04-14.html Quote from ‘Forgiveness in Islam: Summary of a Friday Khutbah [sermon],’ section B. Human Forgiveness in Islam.

Judaism

The Talmud teaches that Yom Kippur absolves us of sins against God, but sins against another are not forgiven by God until we have reconciled ourselves with those we have harmed. What hope, then, is there for us, should those we have hurt refuse to forgive us? Do they control our lives, holding forever the tools that will remove from us the burden of our guilt? Is God’s power to forgive in their hands? No, says the Talmud. The authors of the Talmud recognized that there are those who will not be able to forgive, or will refuse to forgive, and that a person de-serves an avenue of repentance that is not entirely contingent on the power of others. One is ob-ligated to apologize, but no more than three times. After we have humbled ourselves to another, and not just once or twice, but repeatedly, we eventually reach a point where it is possible to nul-lify our guilt by virtue of our own repentance.

http://www.bts.edu/resources/resourcearchive/RabbiMilder.htm ‘Must We Forgive?’ Rabbi Laurence Elis Milder preaches before a Christian congregation during Lent on the subject of forgiveness. (Extract)

Sikhism

Forgiveness (Khama) It means pardoning an offender out of compassion and love for him. Forgiveness generates compassion and compassion encourages the concept of peace, tranquillity, humility and cooperation in men, which checks the tendency of men for supremacy over other fellowmen. ‘To err is human, but to forgive is divine’.

http://www.sikhreview.org/july2002/altruism.htm ‘Ethical Basis of Sikhism,’ by R.M. Chopra, scholar of Oriental lore.

Additional Religions

Jainism

http://www.sikhreview.org/july2002/altruism.htm ‘Ethical Basis of Sikhism,’ by R.M. Chopra, scholar of Oriental lore.

The remembering of injuries is spiritual darkness ; the fostering of resentment is spiritual suicide. To resort to the spirit and practice of forgiveness is the beginning of enlightenment ; it is also the beginning of peace and happiness. There is no rest for him who broods over slights and injuries and wrongs ; no quiet repose of mind for him who feels that he has been unjustly treated, and who schemes how best to act for the discomfiture of his enemy…How can happiness dwell in a heart that is so disturbed by ill-will : Do birds resort to a burning bush wherein to build and sing ? Neither can happiness inhabit in that breast that is a flame with burning thoughts of resentment. Nor can wisdom come and dwell where such folly resides… Every time a man hardens his heart against a fellow-being he inflicts upon himself five kinds of suffering… whereas every act of forgiveness brings to the doer five kinds of blessedness - the blessedness of love ; the blessedness of increased communion and fellowship ; the blessedness of a calm and peaceful mind ; the blessedness of passion stilled and pride overcome; and the blessedness of kindness and good-will bestowed by others. (Jain Gazette June-July 1914.)

http://www.geocities.com/phillip_jain/no2julsep2000.htm ‘Forgiveness.’ (Jainism)